"In a speech this morning, Barack Obama said, 'This isn't about big government or small government. It's about building a smarter government.' When he heard this, President Bush said, 'I get it. I get it. I'm leaving.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama announced his new economic team. You know what he should do? Hire those people who were in charge of his fundraising campaign. We can pay this thing off in like a week." --Jay Leno

"Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people, Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.' Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats." --Conan O'Brien

"Well, it doesn't look as if the U.S. automakers are going to get their bailout money. Congress said yesterday they were concerned about giving the Big Three automakers money just to keep making the same stupid mistakes. And, believe me, when it comes to making the same stupid mistakes, Congress knows what it's talking about." --Jay Leno

Read more...

Looking for holiday gift ideas? Browse through my newly updated Political Gift Guide, featuring recommended books, DVD's, collectibles, and gag gifts for political junkies and humor enthusiasts.

Search for gifts by category:
• Top 25 Political Gifts
• Top Political Gag Gifts
• Top Barack Obama Gifts
• Top Political Humor Books
• Top Political Comedy DVD's
• Top Political Comedy Movies
• Top Political Cartoon Books

You may also be interested in my dueling political humor books, which can help prepare you to deal with crazy conservative or liberal relatives this holiday season.

David Letterman had some fun at Sarah Palin's expense in reaction to her turkey pardon fiasco. Palin has been subjected to widespread ridicule after she pardoned a turkey for Thanksgiving, and then gave an interview while turkeys were slaughtered in the background.

Here are Letterman's "Top 10 Sarah Palin Excuses For the Turkey Slaughter":

10. I can see Russia, but I can't see what's going on 5 feet behind me
9. Not thinking straight after spending all night reading every newspaper and magazine
8. Damn "gotcha" media got me again!
7. My Remington shotgun says I don't need an excuse
6. Those were Al Qaeda turkeys 5. I thought they were just toruting the little guy
4. I mean, doggonit, you know, like we have to lower taxes, and like, it all falls under job security, and we need to drill, you know?
3. Uh, stomach flu?
2. I'll get right back to ya! I'm still adorable, America
1. Don't blame me! Blame Joe the Turkey Slaughterer (Watch video clip)

Jay Leno also piled on: "Alaska Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey, though she said she was amazed to find out that, besides being a bird, Turkey is also a country. Did you see that all over the Internet today? While Sarah Palin was pardoning a turkey, right behind her was a guy slaughtering turkeys. But, see, like most Internet stories, a little half-true. Turns out that, after a couple of minutes listening to Sarah Palin's voice, the turkeys said 'Kill us now.'"

Keith Olbermann weighed in on "Wattlegate" as well: "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a mass turkey-murdering machine? Looks like about 15 feet."

Slate presents Sarah Palin's Turkey Interview Outtakes. Wait until you see what else she didn't notice!

This Just In:

• The Borowitz Report brings us Sarah Palin's Thankfulnesses: "The first thankfulness being that I'm thankful for this turkey, and also too for the metal funnel thingy that cut the turkey's head clean off while it was flapping its wings trying to get out and all. That was fun."

• The Daily Show recaps Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits

• Bill Clinton impersonator Darrell Hammond stops by Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" to talk about Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State

• SNL presents a special obsenity-laced message from Obama chief of staff Rahm Emanuel

• Humorist Bill Shein looks at Bush's last-minute initiatives

You have to watch this video to believe it. Sarah Palin appeared at a Wasilla turkey farm to engage in the time-honored practice of pardoning a turkey for Thanksgiving.

Everything went fine, until she gave an interview afterward. That's when a worker in the background shoved a couple of turkeys neck-first into a death grinder while Palin yammered on, seemingly oblivious to the carnage unfolding behind her.

We've learned that when Palin talks, disaster follows, but usually it's not this vivid. It brought to mind the infamous wood chipper scene in Fargo.

Watch the surreal video, but beware, it's not for the squeamish.

This hilarious cartoon by Mike Lukovich from last week now seems brilliantly prescient.

David Letterman presents the Top 10 Sarah Palin Excuses For the Turkey Slaughter

See also: Bush pardoning a Thanksgiving turkey

More Palin Humor:
Funny Palin Pictures
Funny Palin Videos
Idiotic Palin Quotes

"It looks like Hillary Clinton might be Barack Obama's secretary of state. The secretary of state travels all over the world meeting with foreign leaders sometimes spending months away from his or her spouse. But that's just the sacrifice Bill is willing to make." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Bill Clinton, what a stand-up guy, he went to Barack Obama and he said he'll do anything to help Hillary become secretary of state. He said, look, I'll remove my profile from eHarmony.com, he's going to have a motion detector installed on his fly, and he's going to place all of his interns in a blind trust." --David Letterman

"President-elect Barack Obama is still looking for a new White House dog. The search is on. In fact, do you realize he has spent more time selecting a dog than John McCain did selecting a running mate?" --Jay Leno

"President-elect Obama met with former political rival John McCain. Both men said it was a relief to put their differences aside, sit down, and really make fun of Sarah Palin." --Conan O'Brien

"According to the New York Post, Sarah Palin may appear in the season finale of Desperate Housewives. Palin said that she's seen the show several times, which more than qualifies her as an actress." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's mother-in-law might be moving into the White House with him. Joe Biden was right. Hostile forces will test him in the first few months." --Jay Leno

Read more...

Check out our newly updated photo gallery featuring fake photos, captioned pictures, and parodies poking fun at President-elect Barack Obama.

See Also:
Top 100 Funny Pics
Funny Palin Photos
Funny McCain Photos
Funny Bush Photos

More Obama Humor:
Barack Obama Cartoons
Obama Late-Night Jokes
Funny Obama Videos

Adding to the long litany of Bush embarrassments, world leaders snubbed lame-duck President Bush at a G20 photo-op by refusing to shake his hand. Watch video of the pariah-in-chief filing past a line of leaders while hanging his head in apparent shame.

And here's another video of our sad president set to music from "A Charlie Brown Christmas." (Hat tip to Best Week Ever)

As CNN's Rick Sanchez put it, Bush looks like "the most unpopular kid in high school that nobody liked."

It's no wonder. In addition to presiding over a global financial meltdown and a disastrous war, Bush will be best remembered by his international counterparts as the guy who showed up at summits and groped Germany's chancellor, cursed with his mouth full of food, addressed the Italian prime minister in Spanish, and capped everything off by bidding "goodbye from the world's biggest polluter."

Poll: What phrase best describes your opinion of President Bush?

1) Strong leader
2) Miserable failure
3) Honest straight-talker
4) Arrogant liar
5) Christian patriot
6) Clueless moron
7) Disastrous decider

More Bush Humor:
Bushisms
Funny Bush Pictures
Funny Bush Videos

Stephen Colbert is getting into the holiday spirit with "A Colbert Christmas," a musical celebration of all things Colbert set to air on Comedy Central.

Watch a video clip of Colbert promoting the special on Good Morning America, featuring such highlights as Colbert and Jon Stewart singing and a yule log of burning books. The special will also include musical appearances by Toby Keith, Elvis Costello, John Legend, Feist, and Willie Nelson.

You can also listen to a promotional clip of Colbert singing "Another Christmas Song," a shameless bid for royalty-earning immortality.

For anyone dreaming of a Colbert Christmas, the special airs this Sunday November 23 on Comedy Central and will be available on DVD on Nov. 25.

This Just In:

• Borowitz Report: Obama's Use of Complete Sentences Stirs Controversy

• Watch video of Rahm Emanuel roasting Stephen Colbert

• Saturday Night Live mocks Joe Biden and his propensity for gaffes

• Jon Stewart attempts to comfort Bill O'Reilly about his fears over Barack Obama

• David Letterman presents the Top Ten Things Overheard During Obama's Meeting With McCain. #1: "Maybe you'd be President-elect if you hadn't crossed Letterman"